Signs of Trouble

We've had the discussion a dozen times since Betty started a kitchen fire a month after moving in here... DON'T USE THE STOVE. NO, NEVER. YES, I MEAN YOU. ALWAYS. NO STOVE. EVER. NO COOKING. NEVER. NOT EVEN A LITTLE. EVER.

It's been months since we've had to discuss this, but yesterday I had a large package of hamburger patties defrosting on the two front burners, when I heard the click-click-click-click of the ignitor. She was trying to light the burner to soften the earpieces of her reading glasses. Fortunately, she doesn't know how to use the stove, or flame would have melted the plastic wrap before I could have stopped her.

So we had the discussion for the 13th time, and she let me know that every sane person knows you use the kitchen stove to adjust glasses. I tried to raise my voice just enough to make an impression on her, but apparently, it didn't take, because she tried it again this morning. I heard the clicking from upstairs, but David was closer, and stopped her.

There is now a sign above the stove that says, "Do Not Use the Stove." There is a similar sign on the patio door that says, "Do Not Let Any Cats Outside." That one has worked fairly well, except when a cat escapes, comes to that door, and she opens it to let that cat IN, thus letting two or three others OUT.

She saw this sign and asked, "What's wrong with the stove?" I explained to her why I'd put the sign there, but she doesn't remember trying to use the stove, so she's upset about the sign. She keeps insisting that it's not necessary, because she'd never do anything that she's been told not to do. So I have to explain that she doesn't always remember what I tell her not to do, and she doesn't remember that this is true, so we do that little Dance Around the Logic Pole.

If arguing with her was aerobic, I'd be a size 4.